The LOBSTER of World Domination
by Abigail.S.P
Summary: Just had this story lying around. Enjoy! Kinda cheesy...


The Scorpion

_A tall auburn-haired man strode down the quiet street. His fingers caressed the .22 magnum pistol he always carried with him. Spells were far too easily detected... now muggle weapons,_ those_ were hard to track. Just fire, vanish the evidence, and you've successfully confused both those meddling Aurors and the muggle authorities! Soon, very soon, he would finally have the Scorpion of Ramses, a priceless artifact that was made out of cheap lead but supposedly possessed an ancient spell to guarantee world domination. He believed that both Napoleon and Alexander the Great had once owned the tablet and prospered until the scorpion was stolen from them. Salazar himself had attempted to obtain the Scorpion to no avail. At last, he had tracked down the Scorpion... apparently it had somehow become a collectible for some stodgy old muggle. One of his servants had agreed to sell it to him. He stopped abruptly when he spied a pink Volkswagen bug pull up right next to him. A young black-haired gangly boy who couldn't be any older than seventeen peered out at him._

"_Are you Gary Martin?"_

_Martin glared at him, " Yes." Why hadn't he given an alias? Everyone on the street could hear his name. If something went wrong..._

_Thompson grinned excitedly, " Get in! I've got that silver lobster you wanted!"_

_Martin climbed in and slammed the door roughly. This muggle was ridiculous._

_" It's a lead scorpion I'm after!" He growled._

_" Scorpion, lobster, whatever." The boy rolled his eyes as he started the car, " They look the same."_

_Martin clenched his teeth in frustration. He ached to crucio the boy just once. This would never do._

_" Stop the car." he ordered._

_The boy merely continued to drive erratically and abruptly pulled into a Dairy Queen parking lot._

_" What are you doing?" Martin ground out slowly. His hand touched his pistol._

_"I want a Dilly bar," the boy whined._

_Martin had had enough. He whipped out his gun and pressed it against the boy's chest roughly._

_" Give me the Scorpion."_

_The boy swallowed nervously before reaching into his jean's pocket. His hand trembled as he passed a dull piece of metal shaped somewhat like a scorpion to Martin. Eyes gleaming, Martin promptly pulled out a sharp knife. The boy shrank away from him. Martin severed the thin neck of the Scorpion to reveal a hollow chamber. He reached into it and was appalled to find it empty. Where was the incantation?_

_Instantly, gas spouted out of the scorpion, choking him and making his eyes water. He promptly passed out. The boy's eyes widened and he momentarily struggled to unfasten his seat belt before he also passed out._

**Later…**

"Let me get this straight," Scorpius Malfoy drawled, disbelievingly, "you lost a silver lobster and you want to waste my valuable time getting your precious pet back? You must be joking. The World Cup is on right now and I'm supposed to get this dumb metal lump for you?"

Rose Weasely shook her head at Scorpius's rudeness. She and Scorpius were nineteen year old Aurors-in-training. Somehow, she had been paired up with Malfoy, a fact that sorely vexed her. It wasn't that he was some kind of a pureblood maniac... it was the fact that he was quite frankly, rather intolerable.

"It iz a skorpian! Not de lobzer!" Geranighman, the muggle who'd lost his lobster or scorpion- whatever it was- cried out in agitation, "It holdz de zecret to world domeenazion!" He reminded her strongly of her Aunt Fleur. He had contacted the muggle authorities and they had laughed it off. However, somehow Uncle Harry had heard about it and assigned Scorpius and Rose to investigate. They had pretended to be International Crime Association agents- an unheard of group that tried to solve international crimes before the world found out about them. The real reason that no one had ever heard of the "ICA" was because it didn't exist. But poor Geranighman didn't need to know that wizards and witches were real... and that his entire life was a lie.

"I see," Scorpius nodded seriously, and paused, "Now could someone please give me an English translation of what he said?"

Rose glared at him, "The scorpion has something to do with world domination."

"World domination? So what? There's always some idiot who's going to try to conquer the world and fail epically. That's no reason I should have to miss the World Cup."

Rose resisted the urge to sigh. _This _was exactly why they were always given the dumb easy missions. This was why Rose sometimes wanted to smack Scorpius upside the head. Scorpius just couldn't act serious. At least he hadn't said "quidditch". Hopefully, their muggle friend would assume Scorpius was talking about soccer. Eventually, after much grumbling and complaining, Scorpius agreed to help Geranighman find his 'lobster' as Scorpius insisted on calling it.

"So, who was the last person in possession of the scorpion?" Rose asked.

"That waz Ricky Peterzon. He waz the muzeeum manager."

"Was?" Scorpius asked, "What happened to this 'Ricky Peterzon'?"

"I fired him. He lost my skorpion. He say one of ze cleaning boyz take it. "

"Well, go get him! And all the cleaning boys." Scorpius demanded.

"But zer are at least fifty boyz!"

"Great. Now we'll never find it before the match finishes!"

Rose resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Stupid boys and their stupid quidditch...

All the cleaning boys did not have to arrive. One of them, Tom Smithson, had called and talked to Scorpius. He panicked and cried that he had stolen the scorpion and advertised it on Ebay. He had found a buyer, Gary Martin, and had tried to sell it to him. However, the scorpion had emitted a toxic gas that made both Tom and Martin pass out. Tom had woken up to find Martin inside Dairy Queen terrorizing the customers. Martin had been taken to a mental ward soon after. Tom said he didn't remember much of what happened, but he knew that the scorpion or 'silver lobster' as he called it, was gone.

"Also," Tom added, "I feel really sleepy when I wear my pink sweatshirt."

"Why," Scorpius said in disgust, "Would I care to know that?"

"Because the pink sweatshirt is what I wore when I passed out! What if the lobster put its scary evil curse on me?!"

Scorpius rolled his eyes before sarcastically speaking into the phone, "Yes, you are cursed. You are going to go to bed and wake up as a pink crustacean with a brain even smaller than yours!"

"Oh no!' Tom wailed, and paused, "What's a crustacean?"

Scorpius snorted before cutting the call.

"He's meeting us in thirty minutes," he informed Rose.

Tom came in, sporting a pink sweatshirt that emitted a smell that made Rose feel very tired and dizzy.

"Empty your pockets!" Scorpius ordered, covering his nose.

Tom yawned hugely, before emptying his pockets. Out came several used tissues, twenty cents, a used movie ticket, and… a metal scorpion.

"I had it on me the whole time!" Tom laughed, "Here you go Mr. Geranighman!"

Geranighman just glared at him, "You very bad boy."

Scorpius looked very annoyed, "So basically, I just missed the World Cup for no reason."

"Shut up Scorpius." Rose said glaring at him, before adding, "Albus... _taped_ it for you." Rose had asked Albus for his memory of the game so they could see it in the pensieve.

Scorpius look confused before his face cleared and he grinned in surprise, "Thanks." He frowned, remembering something, "So what does this scorpion have to do with world domination?"

"What? Oh nothing!" Geranighman laughed. "It iz juz very good luck charm! I juz zay that zo ICA would help me!"

"Wonderful," Scorpius grumbled, "Just brilliant."

Rose sighed.

**Meanwhile...**

"Scourgify" Martin muttered as he vanished the traces of blood on the floor of the mental ward. A shame, he mused idly, but they really hadn't let him go peacefully...

He clenched his teeth in frustration. Everything had been for nothing. He punched the wall in frustration, ignoring the pain.

Or had it...? He hadn't had time to look inside the Scorpion... he hadn't even got to examine it properly. He clenched his jaws. He would get the Scorpion.

He would be the ruler of the world.

THE END


End file.
